Keeping Kids Safe on the Internet

Picture from www.scottcounseling.com

As with all new technology available to children today that was originally intended for good uses but unfortunately some bad people can change that. There have been thousands of cases across the US and other countries where a child was lured in by a internet predator. On average, according to the Youth Internet Safety Survey, a survey, performed by the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children, 1 in 5 children have been approached inappropriately while online. 

There are people who's goal is to seek out children and exploit them. Unfortunately children can get distracted on what is good and bad because these predators will spend a lot of time "grooming" these children. They may  give attention, affection and sometimes even gifts. They want to make the child feel safe with them even when they are obviously not. These people will continue to dote on the child until they feel they are able to introduce sexual content without alarming the child.

The FBI has a guide that parents should follow to help see if their child might be endangered. Some of the points are:

• Your child spends large amounts of time on-line, especially at night.
  • Predators are online at all times but they are on the heaviest in the evening and late hours. They know when children are on the most is after school and evening. 
•  You find pornography on your child's computer.
• Predators will often send photos or videos in their efforts to desensitize the child.
• Your child receives phone calls from people you don't know or is making calls, sometimes long distance, to numbers you don't recognize.
• The predator will often give out their number because most children won't give theirs but with caller ID it is easy for a predator to get the child's number.
• Your child receives mail, gifts, or packages from someone you don't know.
• They might try sending gifts to the child in hopes of luring them away or having more trust in them.
• Your child turns the computer monitor off or quickly changes the screen on the monitor when you come into the room.
• Your child becomes withdrawn from the family.
• A predator will start to pick at minor problems that the child may be having at home with his/her family. It is another way to have the child detach from the family and be more "loyal" to them.

Here are some statistics that are rather scary about online predators:

• One in five U.S. teenagers have received an unwanted sexual solicitation via the Web. Solicitations were defined as requests to engage in sexual activities or sexual talk, or to give personal sexual information.
• 25% of children have been exposed to unwanted pornographic material.
• Only 1/3 of households with Internet access are actively protecting their children with filtering or blocking software.
• 75% of children are willing to share personal information online about themselves and their family in exchange for goods and services.
• Only approximately 25% of children who encountered a predator told a parent or adult.
• One in 33 youth received an aggressive sexual solicitation in the past year. This means a predator asked a young person to meet somewhere, called a young person on the phone, and/or sent the young person correspondence, money, or gifts through the U.S. Postal Service.
• 77% of the targets for online predators were age 14 or older.  Another 22% were users ages 10 to 13.
  

If you suspect your child might have been affected from online predators there are things you can do to help. Always keep the lines of commutation open with you child. They need to know they can come to you with any problem and not be afraid of the punishment. Talk to them about the dangers of the internet. Also, make sure you have access to all of your child's accounts and computer files. If your child is unwilling to let you look at their information then there may be a problem.  Overall the best thing a parent can do is to be active and aware of what their child is doing online.

Pros and Cons of a child having a cellphone?

Every child and situation is different when it comes to whether or not your child should have a cellphone. I know right now that my son is too young for one but that has not stopped him from asking for one at the age of 6.  I see a lot of kids at my sons bus stop with their cell phones. Most are older, maybe 4th and 5th graders, and most of the ones I see seem to be responsible with them and turn them off when the bus comes. There are a few that wait until the last second to turn off the music it is playing and put them away. I wonder about what the school feels about the more kids with phones. And if it has put yet another distraction in front of the child that they could really do without. It almost feels like kids are growing up too fast now and that by giving them this technology we are enabling them to do so even faster. Below are some results done by Retrevo, which studies how people use technology in everyday life.

When it comes down to it each parent must weigh the pros and cons of weather they feel their child is old enough and responsible to have a phone. The phone can be a great tool to have to stay connected to your child and to also help with any safety issues if they were to arise. It adds an extra security for when you can't be with your child.  It is undisputed about the benefits of having a cell phone when in an emergency situations. The Pew Internet & American Life Project found that 74 percent of Americans say they’ve used a cell phone in an emergency.  Most parents today never had a cell phone when they were younger so the rules are new to them. Some of the questions that possibly should be asked before getting your child a phone should be:

• Respect their belongings?
• Show responsibility?
• Are they home alone?
• Participate in after school activities?
• Waiting for you because you are running late?
• Respect the rules at school and other places?

If the answers are mainly yes then maybe a phone might be a good thing to look into for your child. Having a phone won't replace adult supervision and as with all technology in a child's hand it should be monitored to make sure it is being used correctly.

Some of the cons of having letting your teen have a phone are:

• Mental Health -
• Bullying
• Lack of sleep
• Possible cancer risks and  "digital thumb"

To help with some of these issues most cellphone companies have packages that help when you have a young child online. Many offer parental controls (if your child has the right phone) and they fall into three main categories:

• Content Filters – these allow the parent to set what media can be viewed and downloaded on the phone. Whether web access is allowed or what kind of texts can be sent. 

• Usage Controls – these allow the parent to regulate the number of calls and texts. Parents can also restrict number either incoming or outgoing and they can set up times to have disabled. These generally do not restrict emergency numbers set up on the phone. 

• GPS monitoring – these can help monitor the where your child are with a GPS system. Some can even be set up for a "safe" zone and alert you when or if your child leaves that area.

 All of these systems are not 100% reliable and it will never replace an adult but it can help feel a little safer. Each carrier has different options and you would need to check with them to see if they work for you.

The best thing to do is to talk with your child and to set up rules for their use of the phone. And as all mean parents can say "I gave you that phone and I sure can take it away too!"

Bullying in a New Era

 The New Way to Bullying

Tyler Clementi , Megan Meier, Alexis Pilkington, Ryan Halligan, your neighbors son, someone’s daughter - the list could continue on and on. These childrens' lives were taken by their own hand but not without the help of their cyber bullies.  The bullies tormented these poor children so badly that they felt they had no way out but to end their own lives. Bulling has taken on a completely new face (or should we say faceless) with all the new media available to children today. They hide like cowards but yet still have the upper hand. The constant degrating texts, IM's, emails can be more then most children can handle. Hopefully, they have an adult available to them to talk about the issue or a way to move past it. 

"Cyberbullying is when someone repeatedly harasses, mistreats, or makes fun of another person online or while using cell phones or other electronic devices."

Gone are the days when a bully would confront you in person and unfortunately at times things would get nasty. But things got settled, we moved on and we grew up. I was bullied in high school and it was at times tough to handle. I looked into changing schools but realized I didn’t want to leave the great group of friends that I did have.  I confronted the girls that were being nasty to me.  Things got better but I have to say thankfully at that time in my life, I didn’t have to contend with any cyber attacks.  Bullying is/was looked at as part of growing up but we don't have to let that be the way our children have to experience their childhood.

According to i-SAFE Inc., a leader in Internet safety education, more then 42% of children have experienced cyber bullying at some point while being online. 1 in 4 have had it happen more then once. There is a lot of fear of being cyberbullied according to a study done by Pew Internet & American Life Project on 12 to 17yr olds asked 34% of the teens surveyed experience sadness or fear related to online harassment which can lead to depression, anxiety, substance abuse, or other psychological problems. On the other side, 53% of kids admit having said something mean or hurtful to another person online. More than 1 in 3 have done it more than once. 

 

 

Parents are the first form of defense to stop this. The hard part about that is most kids don't want or feel they can tell their parents at the risk of more bullying. Some ways to help stop bullying  according to Safety Watch are:

• Keep an open door policy
• Don't overreact to the situation
• Ask questions
• Be understanding 
• Do not retaliate
• Save all evidence
• Know your School's Policies
• Monitor communcations
• Consider counseling

   With new media going into the hands of our children at younger and  younger ages, many feel the best practice is to teach children at a younger age of what is expected of their use of the device. There are now classes offered at some schools about internet protocol. Hopefully, these senseless acts can stop and children can enjoy their childhoods.