Are Parents too Plugged-In?

We tell our young people to unplug, hang up, don't text and drive but as adults, ARE WE? Driving around Fargo–Moorhead, I have seen it all too often, head bent down at a red light texting or talking with the cell phone up to their ear. I have seen the crazy driver in front of me swerving as they texted. I will admit that I am guilty of the red light typing and talking on my phone while driving. I have changed how I am with my phone and now I don't text in my car unless I am parked. I don't talk on the phone when my son is in the car with me. However, I must have told Owen at some point to yell at me when I drove and talked because for awhile I was getting a very good talk from a 6yr old. He was very convincing and I have gotten much better with my phone.  I should just stop completely after reading the statistics of distracted driving.

• 20 percent of injury crashes in 2009 involved reports of distracted driving. (NHTSA).
• Of those killed in distracted-driving-related crashed, 995 involved reports of a cell phone as a distraction (18% of fatalities in distraction-related crashes). (NHTSA)
• In 2009, 5,474 people were killed in U.S. roadways and an estimated additional 448,000 were injured in motor vehicle crashes that were reported to have involved distracted driving. (FARS and GES)
• The age group with the greatest proportion of distracted drivers was the under-20 age group – 16 percent of all drivers younger than 20 involved in fatal crashes were reported to have been distracted while driving. (NHTSA)
• Drivers who use hand-held devices are four times as likely to get into crashes serious enough to injure themselves. (Source: Insurance Institute for Highway Safety)
• Using a cell phone use while driving, whether it’s hand-held or hands-free, delays a driver's reactions as much as having a blood alcohol concentration at the legal limit of .08 percent. (Source: University of Utah)

 We as adults teach our children by example - If we expect them to not drive and text/chat, then we should not either. This seems to be a huge concern with child development researchers throughout the US - are parents TOO plugged in now.

   There was an article in the New York Times on June 9, 2010, which stated that parents are often too involved on their phone or computer to give their full attention to their child. The reasearch concluded and found that children were having feelings of hurt, jealousy and competition through out the study. It all comes down to whether the parent spends quality time with the child and that distracted time is not high-quality time. Just as the NYT article states about a technology ban in the house, I have previously instated a ban on cell phone, computer use from when I pick my son up from daycare until he is asleep. The only people who we do answer the phone for are my parents and my fiance, everyone else can wait until I have had my family time.

I hope that by doing these little steps, I am starting to show the proper use of technology in our lives for my son. Being more active in your childs' life and putting the iPad/cellphone/laptop down is the key to having technology involved in your everyday life.

Technology in the Schools - Ipads for Kindergarteners??

Kids in classroom using Ipads

I remember back in the 80's playing the games like Oregon Trail, Where is Carmen Sandiego, Mavis Beacon Teaches Typing. Oregon Trail taught me that life on the trail was hard and you may die from dysentery! Carmen Sandiego taught me my geography and crime solving skills. The grade school child inside me is thrilled to see these games back on Facebook. Today kids have the iPad and hundreds of educational games to choose from right at their fingertips. 
     However, when I was young we had computer lab two or three times a week for maybe one hour but today we are starting to see how things have changed and sometimes not in the best ways, I feel. Some schools are starting to use the iPad as the main way to teach children.  I am all for having technology in the schools and my son learning with it but not at the expense of losing the social aspect that school is there to provide.  Kids today come to school all to often with little social skills for being in a group setting or inappropriate skills. Having an iPad teach my child would cause more harm then good if the teacher is going to use it as a babysitter. Bonnie Blagojevic, a research associate at the University of Maine's Center for Community Inclusion and Disability Studies stated in a April 25, 2011 Education Week Digital Directions article:

"It can open up new worlds of learning for some students. But you need to have balance. You need to have intentionality. You need to have conversations about this."

     Recently in Auburn, Maine there was a project through the University of Maine to get every kindergarten an iPad in the classroom. This has drawn debates, cheers and mainy people asking "who is paying for this?" The cost is going to be over $200,000 (roughly 400 iPads) which the district says will come from grants mainly then from the school budget. With most public schools struggling with funding, I find this crazy. If this was my son's school district, I personally would rather see the money used to hire more teachers and purchase less Ipads for the classrooms (maybe 5 per room vs 30 per room). Also, to give any 5yr old a $500 piece of equipment is insane. They say they will have cases but really - they lose their gloves, shoes, homework and small toys. What makes them think they will care for a iPad when they have no sense of the value of money.
     I like that my son is learning with computers but I firmly believe that the basics need to be taught from a teacher or parents. A child should know how to read, write, do simple math problems and comprehend what they are reading before an iPad is given to them. Basically, the horse should go before the cart as my grandmother would say. Children need order and instruction not the latest greatest fad in technology.

Video from Fox News about ipads in schools

Keeping Kids Safe on the Internet

Picture from www.scottcounseling.com

As with all new technology available to children today that was originally intended for good uses but unfortunately some bad people can change that. There have been thousands of cases across the US and other countries where a child was lured in by a internet predator. On average, according to the Youth Internet Safety Survey, a survey, performed by the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children, 1 in 5 children have been approached inappropriately while online. 

There are people who's goal is to seek out children and exploit them. Unfortunately children can get distracted on what is good and bad because these predators will spend a lot of time "grooming" these children. They may  give attention, affection and sometimes even gifts. They want to make the child feel safe with them even when they are obviously not. These people will continue to dote on the child until they feel they are able to introduce sexual content without alarming the child.

The FBI has a guide that parents should follow to help see if their child might be endangered. Some of the points are:

• Your child spends large amounts of time on-line, especially at night.
  • Predators are online at all times but they are on the heaviest in the evening and late hours. They know when children are on the most is after school and evening. 
•  You find pornography on your child's computer.
• Predators will often send photos or videos in their efforts to desensitize the child.
• Your child receives phone calls from people you don't know or is making calls, sometimes long distance, to numbers you don't recognize.
• The predator will often give out their number because most children won't give theirs but with caller ID it is easy for a predator to get the child's number.
• Your child receives mail, gifts, or packages from someone you don't know.
• They might try sending gifts to the child in hopes of luring them away or having more trust in them.
• Your child turns the computer monitor off or quickly changes the screen on the monitor when you come into the room.
• Your child becomes withdrawn from the family.
• A predator will start to pick at minor problems that the child may be having at home with his/her family. It is another way to have the child detach from the family and be more "loyal" to them.

Here are some statistics that are rather scary about online predators:

• One in five U.S. teenagers have received an unwanted sexual solicitation via the Web. Solicitations were defined as requests to engage in sexual activities or sexual talk, or to give personal sexual information.
• 25% of children have been exposed to unwanted pornographic material.
• Only 1/3 of households with Internet access are actively protecting their children with filtering or blocking software.
• 75% of children are willing to share personal information online about themselves and their family in exchange for goods and services.
• Only approximately 25% of children who encountered a predator told a parent or adult.
• One in 33 youth received an aggressive sexual solicitation in the past year. This means a predator asked a young person to meet somewhere, called a young person on the phone, and/or sent the young person correspondence, money, or gifts through the U.S. Postal Service.
• 77% of the targets for online predators were age 14 or older.  Another 22% were users ages 10 to 13.
  

If you suspect your child might have been affected from online predators there are things you can do to help. Always keep the lines of commutation open with you child. They need to know they can come to you with any problem and not be afraid of the punishment. Talk to them about the dangers of the internet. Also, make sure you have access to all of your child's accounts and computer files. If your child is unwilling to let you look at their information then there may be a problem.  Overall the best thing a parent can do is to be active and aware of what their child is doing online.

Pros and Cons of a child having a cellphone?

Every child and situation is different when it comes to whether or not your child should have a cellphone. I know right now that my son is too young for one but that has not stopped him from asking for one at the age of 6.  I see a lot of kids at my sons bus stop with their cell phones. Most are older, maybe 4th and 5th graders, and most of the ones I see seem to be responsible with them and turn them off when the bus comes. There are a few that wait until the last second to turn off the music it is playing and put them away. I wonder about what the school feels about the more kids with phones. And if it has put yet another distraction in front of the child that they could really do without. It almost feels like kids are growing up too fast now and that by giving them this technology we are enabling them to do so even faster. Below are some results done by Retrevo, which studies how people use technology in everyday life.

When it comes down to it each parent must weigh the pros and cons of weather they feel their child is old enough and responsible to have a phone. The phone can be a great tool to have to stay connected to your child and to also help with any safety issues if they were to arise. It adds an extra security for when you can't be with your child.  It is undisputed about the benefits of having a cell phone when in an emergency situations. The Pew Internet & American Life Project found that 74 percent of Americans say they’ve used a cell phone in an emergency.  Most parents today never had a cell phone when they were younger so the rules are new to them. Some of the questions that possibly should be asked before getting your child a phone should be:

• Respect their belongings?
• Show responsibility?
• Are they home alone?
• Participate in after school activities?
• Waiting for you because you are running late?
• Respect the rules at school and other places?

If the answers are mainly yes then maybe a phone might be a good thing to look into for your child. Having a phone won't replace adult supervision and as with all technology in a child's hand it should be monitored to make sure it is being used correctly.

Some of the cons of having letting your teen have a phone are:

• Mental Health -
• Bullying
• Lack of sleep
• Possible cancer risks and  "digital thumb"

To help with some of these issues most cellphone companies have packages that help when you have a young child online. Many offer parental controls (if your child has the right phone) and they fall into three main categories:

• Content Filters – these allow the parent to set what media can be viewed and downloaded on the phone. Whether web access is allowed or what kind of texts can be sent. 

• Usage Controls – these allow the parent to regulate the number of calls and texts. Parents can also restrict number either incoming or outgoing and they can set up times to have disabled. These generally do not restrict emergency numbers set up on the phone. 

• GPS monitoring – these can help monitor the where your child are with a GPS system. Some can even be set up for a "safe" zone and alert you when or if your child leaves that area.

 All of these systems are not 100% reliable and it will never replace an adult but it can help feel a little safer. Each carrier has different options and you would need to check with them to see if they work for you.

The best thing to do is to talk with your child and to set up rules for their use of the phone. And as all mean parents can say "I gave you that phone and I sure can take it away too!"

Bullying in a New Era

 The New Way to Bullying

Tyler Clementi , Megan Meier, Alexis Pilkington, Ryan Halligan, your neighbors son, someone’s daughter - the list could continue on and on. These childrens' lives were taken by their own hand but not without the help of their cyber bullies.  The bullies tormented these poor children so badly that they felt they had no way out but to end their own lives. Bulling has taken on a completely new face (or should we say faceless) with all the new media available to children today. They hide like cowards but yet still have the upper hand. The constant degrating texts, IM's, emails can be more then most children can handle. Hopefully, they have an adult available to them to talk about the issue or a way to move past it. 

"Cyberbullying is when someone repeatedly harasses, mistreats, or makes fun of another person online or while using cell phones or other electronic devices."

Gone are the days when a bully would confront you in person and unfortunately at times things would get nasty. But things got settled, we moved on and we grew up. I was bullied in high school and it was at times tough to handle. I looked into changing schools but realized I didn’t want to leave the great group of friends that I did have.  I confronted the girls that were being nasty to me.  Things got better but I have to say thankfully at that time in my life, I didn’t have to contend with any cyber attacks.  Bullying is/was looked at as part of growing up but we don't have to let that be the way our children have to experience their childhood.

According to i-SAFE Inc., a leader in Internet safety education, more then 42% of children have experienced cyber bullying at some point while being online. 1 in 4 have had it happen more then once. There is a lot of fear of being cyberbullied according to a study done by Pew Internet & American Life Project on 12 to 17yr olds asked 34% of the teens surveyed experience sadness or fear related to online harassment which can lead to depression, anxiety, substance abuse, or other psychological problems. On the other side, 53% of kids admit having said something mean or hurtful to another person online. More than 1 in 3 have done it more than once. 

 

 

Parents are the first form of defense to stop this. The hard part about that is most kids don't want or feel they can tell their parents at the risk of more bullying. Some ways to help stop bullying  according to Safety Watch are:

• Keep an open door policy
• Don't overreact to the situation
• Ask questions
• Be understanding 
• Do not retaliate
• Save all evidence
• Know your School's Policies
• Monitor communcations
• Consider counseling

   With new media going into the hands of our children at younger and  younger ages, many feel the best practice is to teach children at a younger age of what is expected of their use of the device. There are now classes offered at some schools about internet protocol. Hopefully, these senseless acts can stop and children can enjoy their childhoods. 

Keeping Familes Together via Skype

Skype has become a great addition to our family. My parents live 7 hours away and only get to see my son 3 or 4 times a year (more if we are lucky).  My dad turns into a goofy little kid when he is hanging out with his grandson. Now with Skype included in our family, my son gets to see his goofy grandpa more often. This last week he was able to Skype with his great grandparents and his grandparents all at the same time. He loved it and can't wait to see them all again on the computer.

Skype has also been used not only for keeping grandparents visible in their grandchildren lives but also for children of divorce to see their non-custodial parent. I think it is a wonderful thing for families to stay together even after divorce. There was a ruling in New York in August of 2010, that required the use of Skype for the conditions of the mother moving with the children.  It was the first known of this kind. It realized the importance of children having a visual conversation with their father and not just a telephone call.

I know how hard it is to get a young child to talk on the phone with their non-custodial parent. My sons father is in Grand Forks and when he does call, Owen doesn't really have much to say without being coached to tell him things.  I think we may have to try Skype with his dad and see if that helps their relationship.

There are also some people who have set up "play dates" through skype.  They feel that it will help their child stay in touch with their friends when it is too busy or weather is bad to have an actual play date. Researchers are looking into the effects and have developed new gadgets to help them "play" together.

Skype has it down and dark sides as all technologies do and it is up to the parent to monitor what their child is viewing, talking to and sending online. There have been a few cases of pedophiles in the chat rooms preying on young child but I feel this is with any part of technology.

As for the next time Owen will Skype with his granparents is this weekend. They have their next activity planned. Owen is going to read a book to Grandma and Grandpa. He loves to show off his new reading and writing skills.

Overall, I feel Skype is a great tool used to keep families and friends
closer even with more distance between them. Hopefully it is used correctly and smartly.

Obesity in Children

Has the ever present media made our kids fat? 

Nearly 1 out of 3 kids is overweight in the United States, with that percentage going up when the child comes from a low income family or one parent family. 
There is also a study on whether a working mom has an effect on their child's weight. I can't help but notice that as media became more present in our lives, so did the obesity rate in our nations' children. Adult- type diabetes is on the rise in younger and younger children. Childhood diabetes has risen more then 30% in over 20 years according to the CDC. 

Children are outside less, play games online or on consoles and they are on social media sites more now then ever before.  There was a study done by The Kaiser Family Foundation of Menlo Park, CA on how media has effected children. They stated that for children aged 12 to 17 years and found that for every hour spent watching TV or other forms of media, the child was 2% more likely to put on weight.

Another factor to look at is the advertisements directed at the young age group. They see the ads for Fruit by the Foot, ice cream or a sugary cereal and want it. It takes parents control as well. The parents are the ones that pay for their unhealthy eating habits. I know from personal experience that it is easier to go to the store and let my son pick out a treat.  But I put restrictions on the type, price and when he can have it.

It takes a whole family to make the right decision for a child. Limit the screen time and make better options as a family.  With a little work, eventually, the child will learn to make the right choice on his own. The hard work pays off!